Please tell me I’m not alone in the bedtime battles. After a long day, I both cannot wait for my son’s bedtime and dread it. There are always questions about what the bedtime will hold for us, but today I’m sharing about some strategies I use to beat the bedtime battle (usually with my sanity in tact)!
Sleep is incredibly important for kids (and their parents!), but transitions are often difficult. I often struggle with mixed feelings about my child’s bedtime as well. I especially struggle on days we are getting home late and don’t have a lot of time to spend together. Full disclosure, I have been using a lot of these strategies with my son since he was very small. Changing a child’s routine will likely result in some pushback, however I do believe that implementing some of these strategies will help you to beat the battles at bedtime!
1. Establish a Routine
Kids love to know what to expect! Doing the same activities in the same order will both help your child know what to expect. It can also help both of you feel more in control and secure. My son knows his bedtime routine very well and thrives in it. For us (at age 3) this routine includes a bath (some nights), using the potty, changing into pajamas, brushing teeth, reading a story, singing a song, and laying down. After he lays down in the bed I will get him some more water and start his sound machine before leaving the room. If we have a friend or family member putting him to bed, I will often tell them not to worry about missing a step, because he will correct them.
Starting the bedtime routine
A quick tip that has been extremely helpful in our household is having our Amazon Alexa play a lullaby for several seconds every night at 7:30pm to start our bedtime routine. I implemented this due to losing track of time in the evening chaos, and it has been extremely helpful to me. When the music plays, both me and my son know that it’s time to prepare for bed! Due to the layout of our home and our routines around taking baths, I actually have our living room Alexa play the song at 7:25pm and a unit in my son’s room play the song at 7:30pm in case we are in the bath.
Sometimes this is upsetting for him because he knows it means he will have to leave the fun activity he is doing, but most nights he acknowledges hearing the music and will either state that “it’s time to brush teeth” or playfully say “What does that mean?”.
If you do not have access to a similar speaker, allowing the child to set a timer can also be a helpful way to prepare for a transition!
2. Maintaining the Boundary
So what do I do on those days he doesn’t want to go to bed? First of all, I remember that going to bed is not a choice. I swap out indirect communication like, “Are you ready to go to bed” with a still kind but firm “It’s time for bed/to brush teeth/to put on pajamas/etc.!” I’m going to be honest, this is much easier to do when I as the parent do not feel completely exhausted! Some days I just do not have it in me, but when I’m struggling at bedtime, my toddler usually does as well.
For older children, it may be helpful to explain the importance of sleep and the impact sleep has on their mood and ability to learn. Although we can often expect pushback on boundaries, remember that there are several ways we can offer control to children during non-preferred times, including the transition to bedtime.
You will frequently hear at my house that “It’s time to ____ (fill in the blank). You can choose to walk or Mommy can carry you.” Ninety percent of the time he will express the desire to walk and go straight to the given location. Sometimes he will attempt to take detours and I repeat the limit in a neutral voice – “It’s time to ____ (fill in the blank). You can choose to walk or Mommy can carry you.” It is also common for me to give the choice to put away activities or have Mommy put them away for you, give choices of pajamas/blankets/bedtime book etc. Get creative!
3. Prep for Bedtime
Just as it would be difficult for us to go straight to sleep after an exciting activity, kids need some time to wind down. Stimulating activities including watching tv, some foods/drinks, and playing video games may interfere with a child’s sleep, which typically has implications for that day and beyond. Encourage quiet and relaxation activities before bed, including reading books and listening to relaxing music.
4. Set up Your Environment
Try not to overstimulate your child with a bedroom full of toys ready to be played with. Keep the room dark (some kids like mine prefer totally blacked-out rooms), cool enough for comfort, and quiet.
Consistent noise like from a white noise machine can also be helpful! This is one of the things that my son has learned to associate with sleep. Many of the times when he hears white noise, he know the expectation is for him to go to sleep. He also has this association with the sleep sack. My son still uses a sleep sack at age 3 for a couple of reasons. First, he’s small and can still fit. Second, because he tends to stick his knee in the crib slats and get it stuck when he is not wearing the sleep sack, and finally, because he likes it and will ask about it. It works for us!
5. Be Patient!
Like I mentioned before, we struggle the most with bedtime battles on nights when I am exhausted and likely a little irritable. When I’m able to depend on the supports I have in place and be flexible, bedtime goes much more smoothly. It is very helpful for me to have a plan about responding to pushback and avoiding power struggles prior to being stressed in the moment. Sometimes I also have to stop, take a breath, and relax myself before asking my son to choose a bedtime book for the seventh time.
At the end of the day, bedtime battles can be tough to fight. My hope is that these strategies can help you to survive the bedtime battles and enjoy the sweetness that can be part of a nighttime routine with your child. The bedtime routine can also be a time to connect with your child in a positive way.
Feel free to share your favorite bedtime survival tip!
